Adam and Eve Lang syne in Eden's bonie yaird, When youthfu' lovers first were pair'd, An' all the soul of love they shar'd, The raptur'd hour, Sweet on the fragrant flow'ry swaird, In shady bow'r. The Man and Woman were at toil, A'tillin' o' the fruitful soil, The wily Serpent frae his coil, Watched Lady Eve, God's mighty noble plans he'd spoil, Ye'd best believe! The Snake was fu' o' wicked guile. He made th lassie think awhile, She'd maybe walk a half a mile, Tae get away, For Adam she'd begun to rile, That very day. She wandered off an' saw the Tree, An' thocht, 'Why's that forbidden me?' The Serpent couldnae hide his glee, As thus she spake, 'Eat of it, Eve, an' ye'll be free, Mak' no mistake.' 'I canna, tho',' the Woman said, 'For if I do we'll baith be dead,' An' then the thocht cam' tae her head, 'But what is death?' All reason frae her mind had fled, Gone in a breath. The Serpent told her, 'Dinna fret, The only reason God won't let Ye eat the fruit's in case ye get As wise as he, Gang on, reach oot, there's plenty yet, Believe in me!' The Lady gently forward put, Her haun towards the temptin' fruit, She widnae die, there was nae doot, O' that in mind, She'd live for ever, nae dispute O' ony kind. But as she went for that first bite, Her wrist was gripped wi' strength and might, She started in a fearfu' fright, An' turned aroon, Tae see her Adam, brows drawn tight, In sic a froon. He dragged his Lady frae that place, An' took her tae a clearer space, An' when she looked intae his face, Her blood ran cold, His anger made her heartbeat race, She'd been too bold. An' tho' she struggled in her fear, An' cried out as she shed a tear, He smacked her on her upturned rear, There was nae help, He made his feelin's verra clear, Skelp efter skelp. An' when her erse was red an' sair, She gret intae the gairden flair, She felt that she could tak' nae mair, O' sic a pain, Then Adam took his lassie fair, Luv'd her again. Noo, efter that dramatic scene, The Serpent never mair was seen, He slithered off, no' over keen, Tae meet wi' God, For God, he thocht, wid never mean, Tae spare the rod. An' so the Lovers made their peace, Eve did her disobedience cease, That skelpin' did her guilt release, An' she gave thanks, Tho' burnin' sair frae waist tae crease, Frae a' they spanks. If it had happen'd jist that way, We'd no' be where we are the day, If he'd jist had the nerve tae flay, Her naughty erse, We'd hae no tales tae thus convey, In prose an' verse! * The first stanza is verse 15 of Burns' 'Address to the Deil'...the rest is my own. Linda